you haven't missed me by a mile, i'm always here

2012-02-06T01:17:00.002+08:00

“She loved the guy. She did it for him. She would’ve done anything for him."

Some people are like that. Some loves are like that. Most loves are like that, from what I can see. Your heart starts to feel like an overcrowded lifeboat. You throw your pride out to keep it afloat, and your self-respect and your independence. After a while you start throwing people out—your friends, everyone you used to know. And it’s still not enough. The lifeboat is still sinking, and you know it’s going to take you down with it. I’ve seen that happen to a lot of people here. I think that’s why I’m sick of love.

2012-02-05T17:04:00.000+08:00

Fuck you! I say it a million times, it’s the only words that come to my mind when I think about you. You left me. And that’s not the part that hurts. You left without a good reason. You gave up on our friendship. You gave up on me. The only person that was there for you through all of your problems. Then you give up on ME?! Fuck you! And i hope the guy you’re with now, I hope he fucks you over. Just like you fucked me over? And don’t come back to me when he’s not there for you.

You shouldn’t have gave up on us.

2012-01-24T23:08:00.001+08:00

For changing into something that I never thought you would be; a coward, weakling, idiot, and one of the people that could easily be used. One bloody guy can seriously do that to you? Make you completely oblivious to the people that care about you and when they ask about your well being you make them feel fucking intolerable and not worth your time. Damn you for not looking at the truth even when it’s right in front of you and damn you for not coming to me when you felt pained. I can’t be nice anymore; I’ve been patient and willing to wait for you to find your way for months now. IF you need me I’ll be there, but you have to come to me. I’m not gonna run towards you anymore and become shafted.

I’m starting to see that it doesn’t matter how many times we work it out because it will always end up in the same result. We’re insane. It’s not the right timing right now. Yes it sucks because we worked so hard to keep this friendship going, but we’re just making things worse. We’re adding complications to an already complicated situation. We’ll just have to try it again some day. Maybe when we’re more mature about our feelings and when we stop trying to be the dominate person in the relationship. I just can’t deal with this broken friendship anymore. A part of me thinks that it’s been broken for a long time. We were just both scared to admit it.

2012-01-08T19:49:00.001+08:00

We all have things we hate about ourselves, things that drag us down. I try to accept them, but in the end I end up constantly paranoid about them, can’t stop thinking about them. Even when people can’t see my flaws, I'm still paranoid about it, because I know my flaws, I know they are there, I know they exist. I see every little, tiny flaw. But I can’t wallow in self pity about my flaws; I have to pick myself up when I hit the ground again. I have to rise above the emotion flood that is taking place within me and continue to fight this battle to accept myself, flaws and all.

(via; www.facebook.com)

2012-01-02T23:55:00.001+08:00

(1.Top - H&M 2.Outerwear - Online 3.Bottom - Nudie Jeans 4.Clutch - Bugis Street 5.Footwear - Dr. Martens 6.Accessories - Online)

Head over to St. James Powerhouse for 1st transport cohesion Christmas/New Year's celebration. Aftermath, it was last minute Christmas shopping with Z at Vivo city, then train-ed over to Orchard. Settled our self at some random Japanese restaurant for late dinner.

Negligence is the only right word to describe this space. It has been a crazy month, where there's so much to do from moving around; settling down; drives out of the city; nights out and of course, army. I will update soon on my Christmas/New Year's celebration with my love ones and trip to Melaka with the family. Keep safe!

2011-12-28T23:49:00.003+08:00

First virgin trip to JB taking public transport with Z and boyfriend. Regretted for not bringing extra cash, because I didn't know the shopping centre I went to has awesome goods. Managed to get H&M mid-waist red pants for half the price, scored! Definitely coming back for the leisure(I spend RM60 for a 1 hour massage, and boy, it was so good ), shopping and food.

(1.Top - Topman 2.Bottom - H&M 3.Bag - Marc by Marc Jacob 4.Footwear - Birkenstock 5.Accessories - Everywhere 6.Ipad - Brother's)

Accompanied Mummy to Geylang serai, then mrt-ed to town, alone. Finally, found the perfect leather pants(will take picture of it soon!) for myself and I can't wait to wear my baby out! Anyway, I'm considering to get myself an ipad, feel so cool using ipad while doing shopping alone. Bumped into an old friend at Forever21 and went home with her, then on the way home with an old friend bumped into J.

2011-12-18T20:33:00.002+08:00

(1.Top - H&M 2.Outerwear - Bangkok 3.Bottom - Vintage's Versace 4.Bag - Bangkok 5.Necklace - Forever21 6.Accessories - Online)

Headed down to Paya lebar, in hope to get my cape shirt over at city plaza, but fat hope. Had ban mian for late lunch which by far, the spiciest ever, thank god for my good perseverance I manage to whip the whole ban mian(obviously because I don't want waste my $3!).

Bus-ed over to Bugis village for window shopping, and street food for dinner. I love how my saturday were spend, nothing expensive, just good quality times with my love ones.

2011-12-17T02:47:00.000+08:00

I've graduated and leaving behind the home that I’ve become so used to for the past 2 years. I’ve become used to the buildings, the environment, the staff, and most importantly, the people.

Today, I realized how much I’m gonna miss the people at my school, even if I wasn’t that close to them. We’re gonna leave Shatec Institution and grow up to become successful individuals and chances are, we’re not gonna remember to keep in touch with each other. There are a select few that I can name off the top of my head that I know for a fact that I’m going to miss, excluding the obvious best friends that I have. They’re the select few that in a couple years, I’m going to wonder what they’re doing with their lives, how they’re doing in school, etc.

I’m not even gonna lie, just thinking about this gives me a queasy feeling. That same kind of feeling where you don’t wanna let go of your mommy’s hand on the first day of kindergarten. I don’t wanna leave behind this place that I’ve been able to call home for the past 2 years. It’s crazy to think that my journey here is almost coming to an end.

Now it’s time to say Goodbye, and I feel missing it already…

2011-12-16T23:03:00.002+08:00

Has anyone ever said to you “You’re different.”?

What do you say back? A normal response would be how am I different? There are millions of people in the world, what makes me stand out? Every person is different no two people are alike. So why do I stand out? Every time I ask someone this they can never give me an answer. “You just are” “I don;t know.” “If I figure out I’ll tell you.” Same responses.

I become curious. Why am I so different? I’ve never received an answer before. This is the result of when I sit in my room and start thinking. A lot of people say that being different is considered ‘cool’. Believe me, there isn’t anything cool about it. And I don’t want to get into a whole write-up about how everybody is different (which they are) and nobody should be labelled like that, but… I’m just saying. I’m tired of being different, you know? I want to actually have something in common with people. And I really, really want a change. I want a break from this monotony so badly. I don’t think I’m the good kind of different.

Bottomline is, I just want somebody to actually care. Why is that so difficult?

2011-12-14T21:20:00.000+08:00

The moment when all of a sudden you start to miss how things were in the past. How things were with the group you used to chill with. How things were with people you used to date. How things were when you were always happy with the people you surrounded yourself around. And you sit there thinking, “What happened. Why did I do that. Why did they do that.” And at the end of the day, you miss everything you had with the people you lost. You miss everything you had with the people you were with. And all that’s left are memories.